Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Three Things A Girl Needs

There are three things a girl needs. These are critical. Pay close attention.

1. A good Hair Stylist

2. A good Gynecologist

3. A good Dermatologist

After years of searching, I had found my perfect Number 1. My wonderful hairstylist. Then the mean old world, turned ugly. After two years of bliss and bonding, I got "The Call". A call that changed my life forever. Apparently, my hairstylist was in the Big House.

Yeah, you heard me, the Pokey! The Slammer.

I know what you are thinking, 'Where the heck do you get your Do done?' Well, I'll have you know, I get my Do done at a very posh salon in the Pearl District. It's not White Trashville.

To verify this rumor (because I so didn't want it to be true), I called said posh salon. I knew by the tone of the Owners voice, the horrible news was true. My all time favorite hairstylist was in the Slammer and therefore, no longer able to cut my hair.

My perfect universe was crumbling. I had finally found someone who understood my need to color my hair at home, my obsession with trying to make my curly hair straight, my desire to have long hair for the first time in my life before I have to cut it into a respectable shortdo for my approaching old age. My felon stylist had been perfect in every way except for the little fact she was using peoples credit card numbers to buy stuff.

I wanted to scream, 'give me one last haircut, I'll pay cash'. My felon stylist hadn't dipped into my account (I checked). She must have really liked me. Oddly my heart warmed at the thought. Hmmm, what does that say about me? I think it says I've had some really bad hairstylists.

Alas, I have been forced to start hunting for a new, Number 1. So far I'm not satisfied. One desperate day, I almost called my felon stylists old boss,to ask if they knew when she was getting out of the Big House. I really am desperate.

Now, the all important Number 2. The Gyno- Fortunately, I have that covered. She's a British lady and somehow it makes it all better when she speaks with her lovely accent. During these annual visits, I gaze into my gyno's caring eyes and listen to her lovely voice. I see Dame Judi Dench, Helen Mirren, I think of the Queen, the mother of her nation, the figure head of British history, and I know they all have been in the shame situation. Somehow that's comforting. Note: Important to look for a gyno with an accent.

Finally, Number 3. A Dermatologist. After years of so so dermatologists, I have found a keeper. You have to get you one of these. If you are in Portland, Oregon, Dr. Patricia Norris is my lady, give her a call. She listens. She focuses on you. She is open, forward thinking, and hip to all that crap out there. There is not a silly question or problem she isn't afraid to delve into. She knows her stuff. And she recommended I stop wasting money on Lancome and Clinque skin care products and go to an old remedy that I must say, is the best. ~Rosewater And Glycerin Face Spray. She said, sometimes going simple is the best. And all that fancy expensive stuff is just that, fancy expensive stuff.
This is the company she gets hers face spray from. I order it from them also. Very inexpensive.

I have been using the Rosewater and Glycerin as my moisturizer for the last several years and my skin has completely cleared up and feels wonderful. Its just perfect. It smells light and it feels great when you spray it on, especially during those hot summer months. Very refreshing. You can even use it on your hair. It's swell.

In conclusion, it important to get a hairstylist who is not a felon, a gynecologist that has a lovely British accent (Scottish and Irish accents would work also), and a Dermatologist who is sooooo not into all the beauty care hype.
Signing off.

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